Not in the best frame of mind

I got some really nice news today 🥰 And, as with all news, good or bad, the first person that I want to share it with is N. It still breaks my heart that I can’t share anything with him anymore 😢 Yeah, sure, I share things with my close friends, but it’s just not the same. Anyway, I don’t want to diminish the happiness from the news in any way, but I also don’t want to ignore the sadness that I feel 😔

I didn’t go swimming today, it just felt too cold for me. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get myself to the pool during the colder months – ie the next nine months 😱 Sighhh… I was really enjoying the good run during summer, but I’m worried that things are now going to come to a screeching halt 😔 I might try going in on one of these cooler days and see how I go. Who knows, I may surprise myself and still be okay with it??

So I just wasn’t in the best frame of mind today 😔

Swimming, gardens and tennis

I got up even later again this morning at 8am 😔 I woke up at around 4am, and then it took me about an hour to get back to sleep 😔 But I’m thankful for the extra hours nonetheless 🙏

I still managed to get to the pool this morning, though, and was very proud of my effort 🏊‍♀️👏 I still can’t believe that swimming is now such a huge part of my life now. It is sooo not something that I would ever have expected to happen.

I then made my way to my parents’ place. I discovered once again just how lush my mum’s garden really is. She has sooo many veggies and herbs growing in her garden! Today, I discovered that she has sweet potatoes and tomatoes! She’s got so much in her garden, it’s so cool 🤙 I wouldn’t mind having a small veggie patch to have some organically grown produce myself 😊 is it worth looking into growing my own stuff in small planters?? 🤔

My mum and I then did a quick shop at a small shopping centre near their place. There was an Asian supermarket in that shopping centre, so I decided to pop in and pick up a few Asian groceries. While I was there, I came across this sambal prawn mix that I have literally been searching for for years, ever since we moved from SG. I am sooo happy that I found it! Now I can’t wait to make some sambal prawn 🤩

And then I went back to the pool in the afternoon 😱 and stayed up for as much of the men’s final as I could. I can’t stay up till late anymore, so I have to wait until until tomorrow to find out who won 😐

Catching up to my mum

Happy Lunar New Year 🐇 🥳 I found out recently that Vietnamese people say it’s the Year of the Cat, not Rabbit, so the Vietnamese community in Sydney feel a bit unseen because all the official messaging from the local councils says that it’s the Year of the Rabbit. But there’s one council that apparently has one cat on display, so I thought I’d make my way there today before I head over to my parents’ place. There’s a large Vietnamese population in that council, so it would make sense for that council to recognise their culture.

Unfortunately, though, there were no decorations up whatsoever when I got there this morning! I’m guessing all the celebrating was already done prior to Lunar New Year’s Day itself. Awww, that was rather disappointing. On a positive note, though, parking was easy to find – simply because the place was so dead as virtually all the shops were closed for LNY! 😅

I was going to order some Vietnamese pork rolls for lunch for my parents (and me 😜), but nothing was open, so I decided to buy some other Vietnamese dishes for us today – at the only Vietnamese restaurant open in the area today! 😱 It felt a bit surreal. It felt like how SG and HK probably felt like today: a ghost town!

And so I spent the whole afternoon with my parents, with my mum and me just chatting the entire time. In the past, my dad wouldn’t really have participated in our conversations anyway, as he’s just a naturally quiet person. So I would’ve had separate conversations with him, having our own banter on the side about something that interests him. We no longer have these 😢 Now it’s just my mum and me chatting, and my dad occasionally turns towards us when his ears prick up because of something that we’re talking about that perhaps made sense to him.

I’m getting better at my own conversation skills, so I’m catching up to my mum. I’m not a true extrovert, so I never will catch up; but for an introvert, I have to say I’m doing pretty damn well – so much so that I reckon people who don’t know me would mistaken me for being an extrovert. But it’s just me showing up for others in the best way I know how. It’s who version Me 2.0 is, and I’m proud of my progress with this aspect of my personal growth 👏

Friends, ageing, illness, death

I caught up with friends again today, which was nice. I approach meeting up with friends in a totally different way now. I focus more on them; I try and figure out what I can do to show up for them during our catch-up. They are friends for a reason, and they obviously want to spend time with me. So I try and be there for them as best I can as well.

So that meant that I didn’t get to spend as much time as I would’ve liked today working on my YouTube channel or my soon-to-be business. But that’s okay, you only have so much energy on any given day. And apparently, today was more for friends, and that’s fine 😊

One of them was telling me about her friend’s beloved dog who is now in his twilight years. It was making me feel sad when she was telling me about his failing senses: his eyesight, his hearing and sense of smell; and how he used to be when he was younger. He used to bound towards her whenever she was visiting, all excited and happy; now, he just knows that someone is at the front door, but no longer knows who it is. Before, she used to leave treats all around the house for him to find; now, he can barely find the one treat right at his feet 😞

The whole ageing process saddens me 😔 It makes me feel so sad when I see people / pets who were once healthy adults who are now in their twilight years with numerous ailments plaguing them 😞 Kitty was relatively healthy for her age, but she had kidney problems in the last few years of her life. And she wasn’t able to jump up onto furniture in her last year or so 😔 I had to help her up. And I don’t need to mention my dad 😢

And even friends my age have problems too 😔 Another friend actually just messaged me to tell me that she just went to a funeral for someone who passed away from cancer. He was our age 😢 And she knows someone else who’s battling through cancer as well. I don’t know who these people are, but it’s still so heartbreaking to hear 😢 And it’s even tougher for me these days, with this empath thing inside me in full force now.

Driving, parking and my dad

I went over to my parents’ place today. I drove again, and this time, I didn’t use the GPS. And I actually knew the route! I even knew which lanes to stay in, knowing which lanes ended and which lanes eventually turned into parking lanes 👍🏻 Maybe this driving business does just come down to experience – like everyone keeps saying to me! 😂

I also drove us all to lunch too 👍🏻 The multi-level carpark that we (or rather, I 😁) parked at was really cramped, with mega tight car spaces and very narrow ramps connecting the levels. I couldn’t believe I knew the car well enough to be able to manoeuvre my way around that carpark relatively easily. It wasn’t a walk in the park, no, but I wasn’t stressing out like I normally would have. I’ll put that down as progress, I think! 💪

It’s such an effort to go out with my dad now, though. I really hesitate whenever my mum suggests it 😔 It’s hard to see him the way that he is now, and I’m sure he finds it hard and frustrating too 😔 I think his condition is such that he’s somewhat aware of it, and so he gets terribly frustrated when he can’t express himself or do the things that he once used to be able to do so effortlessly, without even having to think about it 😔 But there are glimpses of his old self still there. And he still laughs at some of the same things that we used to joke about before. But I guess he’s just in a different phase in his life now 😢 I’m glad I am here to spend some time with him while he’s still here with us #gratitude

A full-of-gratitude Sunday

I went over to my parents’ place again today. It’s becoming a new Sunday tradition 😊 While I was there, one of my very chatty friends rang me. I haven’t answered her calls in a while, but she called at an opportune moment today, so I answered it. And yep, she can talk! We’d been on the phone for one and a half hours (!!), and she would’ve happily continued chatting away if lunch wasn’t being served on my end! 😱 But it was a good chat, and I was glad I was finally there for her today.

My mum gave me some plants 🪴🪴 I have quite a fair bit of greenery in the house now 🥰 I’m not very good with plants, but I do like them as they bring a bit of life and colour to your home. The plants that she gave me are all easy to take care of, according to The Google. For one of my plants, it even said that it’s well known for “thriving on neglect”! 🤣 Yep, definitely a plant for me! 😅 So I’ve placed them around the house where The Google says they will each thrive. They were obviously doing well with my mum looking after them; now let’s see how well they go in my home! 😆

The weather also improved today, so I took that as an opportunity to sit and read outside for a while later in the afternoon. I have a bajillion books on the go at the moment, so my progress is a tad slow on any one of them 😅 So it was nice to read a bit more of one today while also getting some vitamin D 👍 Not quite the same as reading on the beach, but good enough 😊

It was a really nice way to end the week 🥰 #gratitude

Sorta on a staycation

I went shopping with my mum today. Boxing Day sales were on today, and the major department stores opened early. And now that I’m a morning person, I got to the shopping centre pretty much when they opened. So I did some shopping for over an hour before my mum had even arrived. I’m not much of a shopper, as you may know if you’ve been reading my blog for a while now, so I get bored very, very quickly. So I was pretty much done by the time I met up with her 😂 Plus my minimalist tendencies are now well and truly in place, so shopping is now even less appealing. Nonetheless, I figured it’s still worth checking out the sales in case I actually do come across something that I need or love.

But I invited my mum to come out with me more for some mother-daughter bonding time, not really for the actual shopping. We also invited N’s mum to join us, as I thought she might want to spend some time out of the house for once. It turned out she was happy to stay at home, so it was just my mum and me.

My mum wanted to buy a dress, so we pretty much spent the entire morning looking for a dress for her. She managed to finally find one that she liked in Uniqlo, but they didn’t have her size. Such a shame. But she found a jacket for my dad, which I think would actually suit him, so at least one of us found something today! 😅

And then in the afternoon, we went our separate ways and headed back to our respective homes. I somehow managed to find the energy to head down to the beach again, where I found the crowd even larger than yesterday 😱 I did get to the beach a few hours earlier today, though, so that makes sense. I brought an actual book with me today. This is one of the rare occasions (perhaps the only occasion?) when I will read an actual book as opposed to an e-book or audiobook – when I’m at the beach! I can’t really see my phone screen when I’m at the beach, and the sun also heats up my phone too much, so the whole experience just isn’t very pleasant. So it’s much easier to just bring a proper book 📕😅

I’m reading The Guest Cat, which I am rather enjoying! It’s the first fiction novel I’ve read in recent months. I’ve been focused more on business books and personal development books, so this is a nice change. Plus I feel like I’m sorta on a staycation this week, so this is a good time to relax and just read for the pure enjoyment of it 😊

House sitting day 3: Christmas 🎄

I woke up early again and it was overcast, so I decided to abandon my idea of heading to the beach first thing in the morning before making my way to my parents’ place for Christmas lunch. It was good, actually, because my feline friend was full of energy in the morning and was being very cheeky! So I tried to wear her out so that she would sleep while I was out 😆 I think I did a good job of doing that because she hid under her hooman parents’ bed and tried to get away from me later on in the morning 😅 I took that as a job well done and my cue to leave 😆

And when I got back to my temporary home, there was still some daylight left. The sun had decided to come out sometime in the afternoon, so I decided to take advantage of that and head down to the beach. So I still got there today, just not at the time that I was expecting to go 😊

The beach was busy but still calm and orderly. Everyone was on their best behaviour, which was great. There were people in red and wearing Santa hats, getting into the Christmas spirit. I really should remember to do that. Although it would help if I had red items of clothing because I don’t think I do! 😅

The other thing I like about the beach is that you notice just how about ‘regular’ 99% of the population is. Almost everyone has an average body and an average face. If you ever forget this, just head down to the beach and people watch for a while. Hopefully it’ll make you feel somewhat more comfortable about your own body, if you ever feel insecure about your looks 😊

I hope you had a lovely Christmas today. Another one is over and I hope you survived it. It’s not always easy, not everyone loves this holiday. I always remember these people and I send them good wishes each and every year ✨ 💕

House sitting day 2: Christmas Eve

I decided to head down to the nearby beach today. It was a beautiful day, you couldn’t have asked for a better beach day ☀️ I told a friend that I was at the beach and how I’ve been waiting forever for summer to arrive. She then pointed out that summer arrived just when I started my house-/cat-sitting stay – when I’d be close to the beach! The stars have aligned once again. Seriously, the universe has freaked me out quite a fair bit these past few months.

And then I spent the evening watching some of Carols by Candlelight. As I’ve mentioned in recent posts, my empath tendencies are out in full force much more now, and Carols this year was really emotional for me. Plus it’s also the first Christmas without N beside me, and that makes it doubly difficult. That’s going to be the hardest thing about Christmas for me this year 😢

Family and driving

Yesterday was all about friends and also about me; today was all about family. I spent time with my parents today. It was good and not so good, as it always is with family. It seems to me that this is how it always is with everyone’s family. No one’s family is ‘normal’. Every family is dysfunctional in some way, there are no exceptions. I have come to realise this. The faster you can accept this, the easier your life will be 😆

It’s hard to go out with my dad now. He’s like a little kid: you have to pay attention to everything that he does, get his food ready for him, and make sure that he’s okay when he’s eating. And when he’s walking, you have to make sure he doesn’t fall over, especially when he’s on an escalator or there are steps or the floor is uneven. And it takes him forever to walk anywhere. I find it really hard to see him like this 😢 I miss the banter that we used to have, we used to make each other laugh. I guess we still make each other laugh now, but just in a different way.

I drove to their place in the morning to pick them up, and we all drove back to my place. After hanging out in my neck of the woods for the afternoon, I then drove them back home and then drove myself back home. I drove a lot today! I am definitely getting much more comfortable behind the wheel, much more comfortable than I’ve ever been my entire life. And parking is even better now too. I didn’t think I’d ever say that. It’s still not great, but wayyy better than ever before. Although I still haven’t done any parallel parking, I’ve just been doing 90° parking this entire time. I don’t know how I’ve managed to dodge parallel parking this entire time 😂 I guess I just go to places that have parking lots. So doing my first parallel park will really test my skills… 😱